The other night I was driving in some of the scariest conditions I’ve ever experienced. Dense fog, dark roads, neighborhoods I didn’t know.
By the time I got home close to midnight, I was so wired I that couldn't relax and sleep was nowhere in sight.
It was a feeling of such resistance and tightness that felt both so familiar yet so distant to me.
Finally I was able to bring some awareness to it, which made me realize something about my life as I used to live it.
Absurdly, before anyone said ‘I did something bad’ that elicited judgement…
When I began sharing my once private life on social media, there was a TON of resistance.
But to my life-shifting surprise, for the first time ever, it was not coming from inside myself. But from those who were uncomfortable with me figuring out how to live my life in alignment with my purpose.
And I get it…
I went from being the person who waited to see who else was in the room before identifying myself, to building my own room and making space for those who wanted to be with me.
That was hard.
But there was so much fog clouding my intuition prior to this scary leap, that I had it confused with my fear-driven ego. It was constantly telling me I would be safer and more accepted if I was just a little bit smaller, quieter, more agreeable and aligned with everyone else in the room.
The obvious problem there is that it was a lot like driving through dense fog; precarious, high-stress and so full of anxiety that there was no space for my intuition.
When started overriding that external resistance and realized my self-honoring actions were not MY problem but rather someone else’s, they said I did something bad. It was hard, but I kept going anyway.
And by loosening my grip at the wheel, I suddenly had some visibility. Every day wasn’t easy, but living in accordance with the truest version of myself sure felt good as I began to reveal my purpose.
Not a day goes by that I am not grateful for whatever triggered the intuition that once felt like wild hair idea, but is now synonymous with peace and clarity.
Do you need to trust yourself more? I hope my words can remind you that you CAN.